默照禪三心得感想

7/5/2014


許常一

夏日炎炎讓人的心情也跟著躁動起來。一聽說道場即將舉辦例行的July 4th的禪七活動,雖然暑假的工作更加繁重,假期也只有短短三天,但我仍然毫不猶豫地報名禪三活動。在此也特別感謝道場體諒多數在家居士必須工作的情況,因而彈性調整禪七活動可以隨喜只打三天的做法。聖嚴師父曾說過一年至少要參加一兩次長期的禪修活動,其作用猶如每天要洗臉一樣,是我們對自己的心所作的一次深度清潔的工作。對師父的這種比喻我是深有所感的。因此即使只能參加禪三活動,且根據過往的經驗大概也只能洗得不乾不淨。但因緣如此,聊勝於無,我還是抱著感激的心情歡喜參加!

幾乎打過禪七的人都有這樣的體驗:前三天是自己身心從劇烈晃動的不穩定狀態逐漸調整為安定的攝心狀態,這段期間的身心覺受會特別粗重,因此昏沉,妄念,腿痛…等等過渡時期的現象很容易干擾我們的用功。三天過後就像雨過天晴般,才是真能用上方法的時候,也才會感覺人逐漸從混亂中清醒過來。對我,這幾乎已成了“必然如此”的鐵律。然而這次的默照禪三我卻“意外地”打得甚為安定,並感覺對默照禪的方法有更深一層的認識與體會。佛法講因緣,當然“意外”事的發生也肯定是有因有緣的。

首先規矩嚴明的禪堂風格便是滋養禪眾修行的最重要的沃土。此次主七法師是果徹法師,禪堂內外護則分別為果明法師和常諦法師,三位法師素來都是以規矩嚴明著稱的。從第一天進禪堂開始果徹法師便對禪眾仔細解說禪堂內外七天作息的所有規矩,這些規矩猶如『戒律』般是禪眾在禪七期間必須恪遵不悖的。法師不厭其煩地逐條耐心解說,目的便是要禪眾清楚明白所有規矩,以便減少禪修期間心生疑慮而動念的機會,經上說『戒能生定,定能發慧』,戒律真正的精神乃在保護我們的修行。換言之,禪堂規矩的建立旨在保護禪眾們這七天的修行。若大家皆能遵守規定,便能形成一個井然有序又攝心的良好修行環境,如此才能自護護人,自利利他!

雖早有這樣的認知,但有些規矩與提醒微細到近乎“管得有點多”的地步,讓初聽時的我還真是略有些不耐。例如:禪堂外鞋子該如何擺設…等等。果徹法師卻提醒我們這些芝麻小事,乃至自己習以為常的一舉一動都該是禪七期間我們練心的對象。想想的確也該如此,平常我的心是如此的粗糙,我得承認在家中樓梯口的拖鞋經常都是左右腳相隔約一丈遠,雙腳上樓前我那顆心從沒擺在鞋子上,而是早已飛奔到二樓目的區去了,換言之,身心分離現象甚為嚴重。好不容易逮著機會我真該下決心好好地“修理”我這顆冥頑不化的心,或者“修復”我這顆支離破碎的心了。

由於法師嚴格卻清楚的規矩,以及一絲不苟絕不妥協的執行態度,讓我也深深感染到那份進禪堂該有的精進與認真。雖然只有短短三天,雖然聖嚴師父開示說要抱著度假的心情….,但我告訴自己我可要玩兒真的!法師規矩雖嚴明但若禪眾無法配合遵守,其攝心的效果也會事倍功半的。我想起兩年前回台灣在三義道場打的那場禪九活動,當時禪堂有一批剛打完禪四十九活動的禪眾接下來續打禪九,端坐在禪堂的最前面幾排,他們個個穩坐如鐘,不動如雕像。起身走路時目不斜視,神態不緩不急,有這批穩重的老參帶頭,我們這批坐在後面的菜鳥有了極佳的榜樣。再加上,禪堂內外的每位義工也都威儀莊嚴,絕無交頭接耳或眼神交流的情況,整個禪堂悄無聲響卻次序井然。禪堂經行與禪坐時偶爾傳來幾聲響亮的香板聲,更增添幾分修行的精進肅殺氣氛,原本禪坐時起起伏伏的懈怠與昏沉都被嚇到九霄雲外去了,取而代之的是清醒與精進。在這樣格局嚴謹規矩嚴明的漢傳禪堂風格下,我慎重地在心裡告誡自己千萬不能成了壞了這一鍋好粥的老鼠屎。我變得更加留心自己的舉止動作,整個人的心神也更加收攝。事後回想在台灣的那九天修行的過程猶如阿彌陀經中所形容的『與如是諸善上人聚會一處』,禪堂內外肅穆莊嚴的修行氣氛讓人感動,這樣的共修過程與效果也讓我深感裨益良多!在這次的禪七禪堂中我似乎也嗅到了一絲這樣的修行氣味。

這次是LA道場舉辦的第二次禪七活動,許多打七的禪眾都是平常就熟識的朋友,『聖默然』(noble silence)雖然做得到,彼此眼神的接觸交流卻在所難免。能不能做到“眼神接觸”卻沒有任何“心意交流”的起心動念,這實在是有難度的!既然做不到,那麼就乾脆來個六親不認,盡可能眼觀地板,避免東張西望,如此當可減少因『眼根』接觸『色塵』而興起一堆亂七八糟『意識』(念頭)的機會。事實證明這招奏效!關起了來自『眼根』的許多外部的刺激,的確有效阻絕了我腦子『意根』順勢運作的無盡想像,平常像得了強迫症般工作個不停的腦子終於有機會暫緩運作。

法師說放鬆的兩個重點處:一個是腦神經,一個是眼球。當我眼睛沒有特定注意的對象,腦子也逐漸放鬆暫緩運作之際,我發現自己內心那個喋喋不休嘈雜不已的世界突然安靜了下來,這時我才逐漸感知到外面世界的現象存在。我知道這正是我真能用上方法,可以好好用功的時候了。如果說妄心是虛妄世界的幕後黑手,那麼我們的大腦就是頭號大幫兇。大腦一刻不放鬆,虛妄世界於我們便是最真實的存在。當我逐漸能把心安定下來好好用方法時,才終於弄明白聖嚴師父在開示第一天所說的話:『打這場禪七是一場你與自己的約會,但如果你連自己約會的對象(心)都找不到的話,如何藉約會來進一步認識你的對象呢?』原來只有當我們向外攀緣的心停歇之時,我們才有資格更深入地向內探索好好認識我們自己這顆心。而要斷了攀緣之心,首要之務便須遠離大腦這個最親密的“假朋友”!

禪七期間除了有機會更密集而徹底地用方法,另一大收穫便是聆聽師父的開示。不同於過去早午晚各播一次的形式,此次改為早晚聽師父開示,但中午禪坐前那柱香則由主七法師主講。果徹法師綜合整理師父的開示,配合製作詳盡的電腦投影片,為大眾更清楚地歸納解說師父早晚開示的內容,務使禪眾在默照禪的方法和觀念上都能建立更清楚的知見。禪三結束後許多師兄姐們都為如此詳盡的解說感到受益良多。我還記得上次義工話頭禪七結束時最後一場開示,師父問大眾:『我這幾天說的法你們都聽懂了嗎?』大眾齊聲回答:『聽懂了。』師父卻莞爾一笑說:『你們以為你們聽懂了,其實不一定真的聽懂。』當時我心裡一震。原以為禪七期間放下一些亂七八糟的思緒,在心清明澄靜的狀態下自然是可以聽懂師父在說什麼吧?聽師父這麼一說才想到“佛以一音演說法,眾生隨類各得解”,禪七期間每個禪眾情況各有不同,即使狀況良好坐得很安定仍舊是未開悟的凡夫一個,因此難免夾雜各自的貪嗔痴煩惱(如自以為是的想法…等)在聽法,如此當然不能把『法』聽得周全通透。法師為大眾所做的整理歸納正好可以彌補這個必然的缺憾。

能打一個完整的禪七活動是件幸福的事,能讓禪眾們“茶來伸手,飯來張口”安安穩穩地打上一個七,則得仰賴諸多因緣條件配合才行。除了主七以及護七的法師們於禪堂內外費心費力地全程監督外,其中禪七期間的內外護法義工以及大熱天在廚房辛苦工作準備美食的香積菩薩們也絕對是功不可沒的。在此特別感恩執法嚴格的法師們以及這群義工菩薩們的辛勞,並隨喜讚歎他們護法的大功德!!

  



July Three Day Retreat

7/5/2014


James Hong

I enjoyed all forms of the retreat practice: sitting, walking, walking with a bowel. I attended the three day meditation retreat in Palos Verdes with Ven. Guo Cheh’s in 2011. The meditation instruction was more thorough during this retreat than the retreat in 2011. For instance, I learned that in Silent Illumination, relaxation starts from the head to the toe. I used to relax from toe to head. Also, I learned that we are supposed to touch the tongue to the roof of our mouth. For the next retreat, I would like to use the thicker mats because after several days of meditation, my knees were very sore. I remember using the thicker mats during the bodhisattva vows retreat/ceremony and my knees felt better.

It was very helpful to have Mr. Augustine Mao demonstrate the 8 forms, sitting, bowing, and walking. There minor details regarding the walking that I wasn’t aware of such as stepping down with the balls of the foot instead of the heel. 

I found the walking meditation with the bowls with water to be surprisingly difficult. I play sports and generally lead an active lifestyle so I believed I would do well and not spill any water. As I started walking very slowly, I realized I was slowing down the line so I started to speed up and that’s when I started to spill water. In fact, my pace was slow enough that a couple of people passed me. I could use some improvement with this practice.

With regards to the translation, it seemed that Lisa’s was able to translate Ven. Guo Cheh’s instructions very well and I gained good information on how to improve my method.

With regards to Master Sheng Yen videos, I like the continuity from the videos which seemed to be filmed from the same retreat. Each video related to the previous video and there was a smooth progression of instruction from one to the next.

I thought that the liturgy was harmonious and inspirational. I would suggest that English translations be made available for all of the chants as some chants were missing translations. I used to attend retreats at the San Francisco Zen Center (a Soto school). The liturgy was half Japanese and half English there. Perhaps for the benefit of the English speakers some of the liturgy can be chanted in English. I think the Heart Sutra would make a suitable English chant.

I enjoyed all the food. It seemed to be made with care and made me feel good. I have kept a consistent meditation practice in the mornings and evenings since the retreat. I have also been able to remain calmer and less stressed throughout the work day since the retreat.

I have been fairly content and peaceful since the retreat but I was reminded how easily vexation can take over me last weekend when I had an argument with another player on the tennis court. I become very angry and made some negative comments. I wasn’t clear minded nor was I being compassionate. I could have dealt with that situation much better.

July 7 Day Silent Illumination Retreat

7/10/2014


Yen Chan (Bill Foreman)

I am very fortunate to have attended the July 2014 Silent Illumination retreat at DDMBLA. It deepened and strengthened my practice enormously. I first began practicing with Gilbert Gutierrez in 2003, in Riverside, so I was extremely fortunate that my first experience with the Dharma was with an heir of a great Master. Gilbert’s instruction was always excellent, but my practice was not always so good. I had faith that the Dharma was good, and that Gilbert’s presentation of it was good, too. But unfortunately for me I felt that I was not good enough to practice, that maybe other people would get results but that I wasn’t worthy of it myself. As my life continued I let the practice go for a period, but lucky for me I came to realize that it was the best thing I had going for me in life and over the last few years I have practiced more diligently than ever.

I provide this background because it helps to understand my experience on retreat. For me in my practice, despite instruction that Chan practice is not to escape life but to live it better, I have very often used meditation as an escape from negative circumstances and feelings, indeed from life. It was very useful to do this and of all the escapes I could find in life it probably was the most positive. Yet at the same time, as much as I ran to the Dharma, I also ran away from life, because I was generally sad and afraid.

On this retreat, two things became very clear to me. First, that I have invested enough in my practice over the past few years that circumstances in life are no longer so scary that I need to escape. The change has been in me and the effect show up in my life. Sitting on the cushion for so long, and talking about it in interview with the Venerables, this became clear to me. It sounds like a simple realization to make, that I am worthy of the Dharma and it has positively changed me and my life, but to me it was huge and important.

The second thing that became clear to me on the retreat is that the focus of my practice should not only be on preserving myself, as it has tended to be in the past. Self-preservation is of course good, because without it I’m no good to anybody. But as Shifu said again and again in the retreat’s talks, as he had always said, as Gilbert said, as the Venerables said, we practice to help others gain liberation. That help can take many forms, but that is the consistent goal of the practice and it had not been my focus in practice prior to the retreat. On the retreat and after, I have asked myself a new question: “how can I use this practice as a tool to be of positive use to others?”

I am very grateful not only to the Venerables but to the whole lay community at DDMBLA. The Venerables of course gave me precious guidance and showed me . The volunteers and other retreatants helped me by their example. The volunteers lived the Dharma by giving their work for my practice. The other retreatants showed me their commitment to practice and that encouraged mine. And the whole community of DDMBLA helped me by providing a great place near me that offers Chan retreats. I hope in my practice to repay with interest this help and to repay the faith Gilbert has had in me as a practitioner even when I lacked faith in myself.



2014 DDM-LA Silent Illumination Retreat With Guo Cheh Fashi 

7/10/2014


Rose

Arrival
It was a very hot and smoggy day with temperature in the 90’s in LA. I arrived at the DDMBA-LA center in El Monte, feeling very hot, tired, my mind was tense and wondering how would I survive the next seven days.

Over Coming the Heat
I told myself that the fatigue, the pains, and the heat in my body were not I. I was something else and I was there to find it. I was determined to press on no matter what will happen to this body. I kept trying to relax my body and mind. Miraculously, at some point, I realized that my body was no longer hot. All the heat and perspiration were gone. The body actually felt comfortably cool and more relaxed.

Dis-Identifying from the Body and the Pain
I tried to dis-identify myself from this pain body by saying such things as: “I am not this body”, “The body is breathing”, “The body is walking”, “It is sitting” Or “The body is hurting.” Etc. This helped my mind to gain a sense of separation or detachment from the body as well as everything outside of the mind and able to be more present to my practice.

Enter Into Stillness
By the evening, I was more able to relax the body and the mind as well as regulating my breath. At one point it felt like I came back from “being gone” something similar to a state of deep sleep. Afterwards the body and the mind felt more relaxed. The mind felt silent with settle buzzing in the ears. Something thick would flow into the body with inhale of the breaths. I also noticed that all the sounds were louder, especially the cars that drove by constantly.

A similar experience happened again latter. Except this time, it felt like I had dropped into a black hole momentarily where I was completely obliterated, with no body, no sensation, no mind, and no me. When I regain consciousness, it almost felt like I had a new body. It was very light and in a deep state of calmness and silence as well as with settler buzz in my ears. Latter I realize that the buzz was a sign that I was into a deeper state of silence. Every thing was softer and gentler except the sounds were louder. I could still sense pains in my body, but they no longer affected me. The mind seemed to stay relaxed and concentrated on its own without much effort. There were thoughts coming and going, but the stillness and the relaxation of the mind remained.

Walking Meditation
When I did walking meditation by myself, the body seemed to know what the pace it wanted. I tried to let it walked the pace it wanted. The longer I did this, the deeper the relaxation and the slower the pace of the walk. Again, it felt delicate, gentle, relaxing and effortless. If my mind went away for while, I noticed four consistent things happened: stillness, relaxation, and buzzing in the ears as well as the loudness of the sounds, would reverse accordingly. But when I bring my awareness back, they would be quickly restored. I felt like I was breaking a barrier. I can gently walk through an invisible barrier or let go enough to move beyond it and be in another world of deep calmness and silence.

The walking meditation of holding a bowl of water without spilling was very helpful for learning how to maintain this calm, delicate and fragile state of being. Some times when I noticed that my mind had gone away and I was loosing it, I would imagine that I was holding a bowl full of water and trying to walk. That always seemed to help restoring my mind and body to the state of unity and balance.

The Vast space
I became aware that my body, mind, and breath were in unity most of the times. Following Shifu and Fashi’s instruction, I began to expand my awareness to the rest of my body. Almost immediately, I noticed that I couldn’t feel the boundary that defined my body. As I stayed with this, things kept changing. When I focused on the whole environment, it was a vast empty space stretching far away into the unknown with lots of phenomenon coming and going or appearing and disappearing in it. There was no need to pay attention to neither my breath nor using any method to stay here. This is when I realized that I was doing the method of no method.

I woke up on the third day, surprised to find that my body and mind were still calm and the sounds were still loud. They remained pretty much the same throughout the rest of the retreat.

Direct (Sensing) Obeservation
I used my hearing for the direct sensing exercise. I lay in the sleeping Chan position on the grass. The ground was perfectly cool, soft and supporting. My body was as relaxed as it can be. The sounds (mostly of the airplanes and cars engines) flew like waves across the space between the earth and infinity. I can hear sounds from all over getting closer and closer.

I remember letting go of my resistance to anything on my mind, my body, and my skin. Soon the sounds entered my body. I had neither resistance nor felt threatened by them. They were like gentle dry waves penetrating and merging with my body. I was amazed to discover that the sounds of jet and car engines actually could feel good, welcome and even pleasurable to my senses of hearing as well as touch. Contrary to how I normally feel, there was no way I could keep them out of the body even if I want to. I only had control over my sensing or receiving the sounds. I felt well supported by the earth below and safe with the environment.

Repentance
What Fashi said was very helpful especially the part about the necessity to be truly repentant. Otherwise, our heart cannot be open and we cannot make further progress in our practices. During repentance, I cried with very deep sadness, aware of all the wrongs that I had done to and all the sufferings that I had caused others as well as myself out of my own ignorance, anger, and greed. Afterwards my heart felt lighter and more open. At the mean time, I took the responsibility for causing my own sufferings and persecution. I was my own abuser as well as victim.

Summary:
Over all, this was the best retreat I ever have. I learned so much about the life of impermanence, myself, and no self. I also made progress in my meditation practice and in my personal growth.

No Self
The teaching on “no self” used to be a mystery to me. I am happy to finally (I think), understood or know what it means: seeing the world as it is, like a mirror sees, without myself in it, and responding to situations properly without attaching consequences to myself. During the past few days since I have been home, I have already noticed how much the “I”, the “myself”, the “me”, and the “mine” have been present in almost all my thoughts, speech and actions, even in writing this retreat report. Ironically, seeing them actually helps me to feel confident that I will be capable of giving them or myself up. I feel less attachment to this person because I have some sense of its illusive, empty, and impermanent nature. 

Hearing
For me, this retreat was almost all about observing the sounds. Paradoxically, my normally very poor hearing turned out to be the most useful of my five senses. I discovered that being present to the buzz in my ears was a doorway to stillness. It also served as an indicator for me to know that I am moving into or out of different state of silence. The various and constant sounds of the car motors were keeping my awareness up during the retreat.

I loved the sounds of Guo Ming Fashi’s ethereal voice during liturgy. They were so beautiful and up lifting that at times I felt like I was on my way to ecstasy. 

Being Real
I have been doing meditation for more than 20 years. Part of me always felted that I was not a real or qualified Chan student because no matter how hard I tried; it seemed that I was not making progress. This retreat was very affirming. Now, I know I am a real Chan practitioner and doesn’t matter how others see me.

I feel such gratitude to Shifu, Guo Cheh Fashi, Guo Ming Fashi, DDM, and all my previous teachers for their selfless guidance. 

  

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